Thursday, November 24, 2011

Headless and Hunched

I must have taken four or five naps yesterday.... BAD. IDEA.

At night, I lay in bed for a few minutes, getting myself settled in and comfortable. Then I closed my eyes and tried to remain lucid. For some reason, it didn't occur to me that I would be hit by sleep paralysis -- all I was concerned with was being able to trigger lucid dreaming and take advantage of it. So yes, this entire story is my own doing.

So there I was in bed, forming my own dream. I decided to go back to DC.

Everything was dark.
I could see my friends in the distance, but as I walked closer to them, I could make out their faces and sensed something was off (it's strange, how I can do all this in my head and yet forget that I'm doing it... I was lucid this entire time, consciously making decisions to go here or there, to bring this person into the dream or make them leave, but I forgot that it was all because I was asleep).
Their faces were different. Only slightly, but just enough that I felt odd. And the air was too perfect. I could feel my whole body tingling with the preface of sleep paralysis and thought, "Uh-oh............"

I spent what felt like the next few hours going around campus and hanging out with friends. At one point, I made them carry me on their shoulders through the halls of random dorms....
When I climbed back down from their shoulders, the scene changed without my willing it. I was alone in the dark hallways, and heard people's voices behind closed doors. The tingling sensation grew more intense, and I could hear the buzzing of electricity becoming louder and louder. Paralysis was coming.
So I walked along, telling myself I could do whatever I wanted. But I was having trouble holding on to my control.

I opened a door and found two of my guy friends in the room playing video games. So I sat down beside one of them and put my hand on his back to let him know I was there.
"Hey!" he said as he turned around to face me. His features were stretched apart just a little too much. Or his eyes were tilted half a degree more than they should have been.
Who was I looking at, again?
At any rate, I talked to him a bit and let him continue his game. I still had my hand on his shoulder, so I rubbed it up and down a couple of times and was about to say, "It's good to see you again,"

but then I was hit with the most unusual observation.

That was the realest thing I'd sensed in the dream so far.
I could feel every fiber of his shirt beneath my fingers as my hand moved across it. For a while, I couldn't define what it was, but it hit me hard. So hard that I was paralyzed by it. So hard that as I stared at the game on the screen, I could feel my world fading around me and saw something completely different.
I was in bed.
But I was still sitting on the couch next to my friend....still with my hand on his back, trying to figure out what I was touching.

What was I really touching?
My hand was lifted up; I could feel gravity. As I was dreaming, I was doing the same motions in bed. So what was I touching in real life?

I managed to open my eyes enough to see something by my legs.
Something was sitting on me, hunched over and facing the window beside the bed. It was a man wearing a dress shirt. As I continued to feel the shirt with my hand, my vision became clearer.
It was Matt.
My vision became clearer.
He was hunched over and dead. Headless.
My hand was still on his back.
My hand was still on my friend's back, and we were playing video games.
My hand was still on Matt's back....
My hand was still on this dead man's back.....
I tried to pull it back and move away as far as I could, but was frozen.
I'm not awake. Oh God, I'm not awake, I can't be.

I wasn't. As I struggled to open my eyes, I saw him doubly. First as a headless man. Simultaneously, as a naked monster with pale skin. Pale as the shirt on his body that disappeared.
Struggling to move, I managed to scream. My voice was muffled, though, and I wasn't sure if it was in my head or in real life. Either way, I screamed as loud as I could. If I was really screaming, I hoped that someone would hear me and wake me up. But no one came. Was I simply whimpering?

The headless monster lifted its long, bony arms and reached for my shoulders. It scratched me with dirty claws. It scratched me, and I felt it. That's what really terrified me and caused me to scream some more.
But I finally managed to move my legs. I kicked and kicked to get it off of me, but that only made it angry....

I finally gained enough control to defend myself, frantically fall out of bed, and pull my body over to Anjel's side of the room.
I'm awake. I have to be awake.
Didn't want to turn around. I crawled over to Anjel, who was still sleeping, and whispered to her to wake her up. But she growled, and when she turned around, her face was not hers.

Closed doors are the most terrifying thing when you're trapped with two monsters in a sleep paralysis dream.....

I screamed as loud as I could, again, hoping my voice was heard somewhere. After fumbling with the lock and handle, I stumbled into the hallway to find Shiel, Mom, and Dad working on something. All of them had their backs turned to me, so I couldn't see their faces.
I ran downstairs before they reacted... reached the door, and fought with the locks again.

Why am I even doing this? I'm asleep! I can be outside without opening doors!!
But I couldn't will it..... So I pried the door open just in time to run outside and head towards Matt's house.

(For every time I've had to run away from my own overwhelming imagination, I ran to his house....
I never make it all the way. I always wake up just as I'm around the corner.)

Anyway, I woke up in bed once again. This time it was real, because I could feel everything. I could smell. I had to breathe. My ears picked up on the deafening silence around me. My throat didn't burn from screaming so much (so it never happened). My heart was racing. My body was tired. Nothing happened in real life, but I felt like I had scratches on me from the headless monster.
I never even moved. I was only asleep for 10-15 minutes total.
I refused to make any sudden movements or to even look over at Anjel, who was sleeping in the same position that I dreamt about. Instead, I texted Matt and Jess in an attempt to reassure myself that I was, in fact, awake.....and that nothing was going to happen anymore....

That's what I get for pushing the limits. Every time I decide I can handle experimenting with lucid dreams and sleep paralysis, something goes terribly wrong....
When will I ever learn? One night, this might prove to be too much for me.

Because I know I'm going to do this again. Perhaps even tonight.

No comments:

Post a Comment