Saturday, September 18, 2010

Xanga Post 20: Part III - Lost and Found

Since I moved back to school, I haven't slept through one night without dreaming something. Even when I stayed up in studio until 7:30 in the morning and came back only to sleep for an hour and a half, I dreamt....
I just haven't been writing them down, which is pretty bad. This is week 3 already that I haven't recorded my dreams. But it's completely my fault. I should have enough time in the morning to write them down, I just........don't.

Hey, look! It's 2006! Yaaaay...

1.20.2006 __wednesday____
Well, my dream the other night kind of scared me. But then there was another part that comforted me. In the first part, to sum it up, I dreamt people were dying. It's not like people were falling down dead left and right, but I dreamt that there were so many deaths during 2006. In one part, I was in Art, when Carp ran out of the room, and ran back in a few minutes later. She said that a Prendie girl died just then. I hope this doesn't mean anything.
Well, in the second part of the dream, I was getting ready to run away. Even though the halls were crowded with people that you could barely walk past them, I felt like everyone was disappearing (the halls were filled with boys and girls alike, as if Prendie and Bonner were merged or something). So I turned around to walk in the opposite direction and leave somewhere. But as I was turning, I saw someone in particular, in the corner of my eye. And I kind of wanted him to stop me. So I turned a little slower, and I saw him follow me. I started walking faster and faster, until I was eventually running. I kept half-turning around just so that I could still see his white shirt some distance behind me. I wanted to test him, to see if he would really want to stop me and keep me from running away. I ended up going in a circle and ending up back where I was in the first place, by the vending machines in the basement floor. ... I stopped and knew he stopped behind me. But when I turned around and saw him, he acted like he wasn't trying to catch up with me. He was determined not to look at me. He looked around like he stopped to look for someone else. But I kept watching him. When we made eye contact, he knew that I knew. So he gave me a big hug. I think I ended the dream by crying because he was the only one who went after me. And I was so grateful.

In my second year of high school, it seemed like there was tragedy after tragedy among the Prendie family. My friend's father passed away, and so did a teacher. I think sometime after I had this dream, there was news of another student who passed away. Or maybe she was in the hospital. I don't really remember, I tried to move on.
January and February were difficult months to get through for everyone. The beginning of 2006 started off on a sad note...

When I dreamt this, I must have felt alone. I never was, but for some reason I walked around the halls of Prendie feeling like I was the only one who was really thinking about the events that were taking place. Of course I wasn't the only one. I certainly wasn't among those who were most affected by it. Those people are stronger than I am, and I admire them for their optimism.

In my dream, the halls of my school were like a maze. I knew where things went, yet there was a part of me that was worried I would get lost somewhere. Not that I knew where I was going off to. But I had a sense that anything was possible. The best or the worst.
Both happened, whether it be coincidence or insightful.

I was alone.
But someone found me. I actually woke up feeling like I kept him with me; like I woke up with company.