Sunday, November 27, 2011


Last night I met with sleep paralysis again. It was inevitable, but I didn't know it was going to happen until I actually went to sleep. Silly me, I went to bed around 3:30 in the morning. Come to think of it, I wonder if it'll happen again tonight, because I'm up late and I took a nap earlier today (how do I manage to forget about triggers?)......

I talk about lockjaw in this post, but for the record, it's not the medically-defined tetanus kind of lockjaw that I have in mind (so if you're Googling it right now -- it's not that).
I do get lockjaw sometimes, but it hasn't happened in a couple of years. Basically, if I open my mouth too wide when I yawn, my jaw gets dislocated (I guess that's what happens), and I can't close my mouth (it hurts to try, and I can feel the strain on my muscles and bones). I panic every time that happens, but years of dealing with this problem has taught me that it can be fixed by shoving my thumbs in my mouth and actually positioning the lower jaw back in place. Gross, right? 
Sounds painful -- and it can be if you don't do it right, but I try to tell myself it's like chiropractics
(which doesn't actually help much, because that makes me just as nervous)....

sleep paralysis + lockjaw = nightmare

Meyou should sleep. are you sleepy?
MeOMG btw i had sleep paralysis again last night
Mattnot really
Matt: tell me about it
Me: i slept on my side so that i WOULDN'T get it
Me: but it was so strong and unavoidable that it happened anyway
Me: i could feel it coming
Me: so when i was falling asleep, i got that tingly and panicked feeling
Me: so i tried to control it, but i couldn't; i fell into a dream
Me: i dreamt that i had lockjaw with my mouth open, and someone was forcing it shut
Me: so i thought i was going to break my jaw
Me: that's not the first time i've had that feeling during sleep paralysis
Me: i closed my mouth, and dreamt that i cracked my jaw
Me: but once my mouth was closed, it was still locked. this time, it was locked shut
Me: and i was clenching my teeth so strongly that i could feel all of my nerves in my mouth
        starting to ache
Me: so i got out of bed and went over to the mirror in anjel's room
Me: i got out of the lockjaw and opened my mouth to look at my teeth
Me: and they were all broken and ground down to the nerves
Me: i could see the pulp in the hollow parts, and they were all bleeding
Me: i could even taste the blood, it was so painful
Me: but i went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep to wake myself up, because i knew it
        wasn't real
Matt: you seriously have the worst fucking dreams!
Me: as i was trying to wake myself up, whatever was forcing my mouth shut in the beginning
       came back
Me: and started shaking my shoulder violently
Me: i had to wrench myself out of sleep paralysis at that point
Me: and when i did, i actually turned around on my back and started gasping for air
Me: i was about to scream, but i didn't because anjel was asleep
Me: my dreams are awesome, and they make for good stories.. but it's such a pain when
         they're so REAL
Matt:   :-\ 
Me: because then i feel stuff like that
Me: and it's not fun
Me: for someone who's never been clawed by monsters or had her teeth ground down to the
         pulp, i find it frighteningly intriguing that my mind can simulate those sensations
Matt: your mind is insane :-P
Me: it is, isn't it?
Matt: i love it

Me: i have this notion that my mind is timeless
Me: that my imagination was mature for me when i was younger
Me: now it's more my age
Me: and when i'm old, my dreams at night will still be young

Me: but i also think it's like that for everyone