Saturday, September 4, 2010

Xanga Post 20: Part I - Familiar Creation

12.28.2005 __wednesday____

I had a freaky dream about a Halloween parade, a few nights ago. I must've told everyone about it, but here it is again. I was thinking the day before, that there's a Christmas parade, and a Thanksgiving parade, but there's nothing for Halloween - but that's probably a good thing. So I fell asleep and had a dream about a bunch of kids who were dressed like zombies and ghosts - and they weren't just like trick-or-treat costumes, they were really good costumes.. they looked real, and the kids played their parts well, so they scared me. And instead of a parade, they went from house to house like they were carolling, except they were whispering rhymes about death or something. And I watched from my bedroom window and saw a little girl demon look up at me and smile. (I always dream about little kids smiling like devils - I think I make that up in my head) So I backed away from the window, but she moved back, too, so that she could still see me. Then they got on a train and moved on to the next destination. I got on the next train, although I didn't want to. And I ended up going in a tunnel that I always pass through in dreams when I travel. And then there was the same highway, with the bridge going in a spiral up and up. But I was still in a train.

I think this dream shows how much I scare myself. Halloween is fun and all, but I'll stay away from scary movies and "haunted house" tours most of the time. I don't want any more ideas in my head.

When I'm in a car or on a train in a dream, I always end up going through a tunnel at some point. Actually, just a week ago, my dream began when I emerged from a tunnel through a mountain, and ahead of me were bridges, overpasses, highways crossing over each other, all sensibly structured -- or at least they appeared to be. Traffic was going every which way, and I was moving at almost 80 mph in a narrow, 3-lane highway. And then the car crash happened....

Familiarity is a common feeling I get when I'm asleep. It's even more prominent when I wake up.
"I know this smile," or "I know this place."
In retrospect, that's probably what led me to believe that all my dreams are a story unfolding throughout my life. The basic idea of themes weaving in and out of separate night images stirs my imagination and makes me want to learn more. It's strange to think about, because these themes are only coming and going
because of my curiosity. I am writing my own dreams without really meaning to or wanting to. I just want to be an observer, although I can't help but create what I observe.
That's really where the feeling of knowing comes from.
"I know this place" -- but only because I just made it up.
"I know what's going to happen" -- but that's really just my mind barely catching up with the creative process.

When I saw Inception for the first time, I was surprised at how spot-on Christopher Nolan was in integrating all these details of dreams: the interweaving themes and sentences, the concept of no architectural boundaries or rules, the complexities of lucidity and structure....

I'm getting closer and closer to grabbing the tail of my subconscious creativity. Maybe I was always like that, and I just misunderstood it.

I told you before, I used to think The River was a real place.
I also wrote in a previous post that things are only as real as you make them out to be. It just so happened that my senses were so much sharper in those dreams than they usually are in real life.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Xanga Post 19: Listlessness

12.4.2005 __sunday____
In my dream a few days ago, I was walking somewhere, barefoot. And when I looked at the soles of my feet, I saw small worms that were going into my skin, like parasites. These are the same kind of worms that are in the river in my other dream.

Do you ever wake up feeling like you've missed something? Missed something, or forgotten about it?
It's like a backwards deja vu....

All too often, I wake up feeling like I left some part of myself behind. Sometimes, I go through an entire day (or week) feeling listless. Today was one of those days; I've been zoning out a lot.

More about this particular dream, though:
It felt so gross when I dreamt it. I remember seeing my skin being stretched, or folding around the edges where the worms were biting into me. I felt like everywhere I walked, I left a mark of myself being consumed by these parasites.

My brain likes to take metaphors, sayings, or analogies and manifest them into "physical" things.