Thursday, July 29, 2010

Xanga Post 15: I Dream in Threes

So after a week or so of not being able to hold on to my dreams, I finally remembered some this morning! I know I've been dreaming every night for a while now, but I just can't seem to keep them from slipping away from me again. You're probably familiar with that feeling of knowing what you dreamt, but not being able to figure out what it was. It's like seeing someone in a movie and knowing you know their name, but you just can't pinpoint it ("MATT DAMON!")....and you're stuck on it for a week.
Yes. Utterly annoying.

Or, you know how someone's like, "Hey, want a piece of bacon?" (I know someone's more likely to offer a piece of gum before offering a piece of bacon, but let's use this example for now because it's so much more enticing.)
yeah, I'd love me some bacon!"
"Okay. Here, take it from my hand."

So you reach out to grab it ---- and then they pull it away from you before you close your fingers around it. But then they put it back once you frown and put down your hand. So you lift your hand again, but they pull it just out of reach.
And this goes on for about 10 more seconds before someone gets hurt (you don't even want the bacon anymore).

Imagine that feeling right after you wake up.

I want to tell you about my three-part dream that I had last night, but I have to follow the order that I established. As much as I admit this is getting boring, I just can't get side-tracked; otherwise, I will never finish this. And I am past the halfway mark in my Xanga entries, isn't that (kind of) exciting?

It will just have to get in line....

Speaking of three-part dreams--

9.2.2005 __friday____
That reminds me. I had three dreams combined in one - it was unusual. But I'll only post the second one on here because I don't know how to describe the first and third ones. I dreamt school started already and I was in class. It was history. There was a new girl, and people were saying she was really smart, so I was curious. But before the bell rang, she turned around in her seat and stared at me. And then she started insulting me! When the teacher began talking and we started reviewing what we remembered from last year, I was called on to answer a question and explain something.. So I stood up and the class listened to my answer and watched as I drew diagrams on the board. The questions just kept coming and I kept answering them, but they gradually became harder for me.. For some reason, I had to answer every question - but I was stuck on one of them. And then the new girl stood up and took over. I left and went to the back of the classroom to help a teacher fix something.

It's as if I was making up history in my mind. I was talking about things that made perfect sense in my dream, but now it doesn't mean anything to me. It was something about ... Christian and... something/someone with an "o" and "l" .. Hmm..


Oh. I bet it had something to do with Charlie and Lola.


I think this one speaks for itself. I'm a jealous person, and I always feel like I have to prove myself to someone. I feel threatened by people who are better than me; if they prove it, I feel useless.

I was a little annoyed when I read about how I didn't write down all 3 dreams, but I will for it and just try to convince myself that they weren't all that important....

How many dreams do you have on average per night that you can remember? One? Two? I don't know if you've noticed (because it's not that apparent in my old Xanga posts so far), but I tend to have more than one dream on a good night's sleep. Either that, or I have extremely long, detailed ones that play out in scenes (which sometimes seem like separate dreams). I think the record I've had is four or five, but three might be the average.
have woken up from a dream into a dream... and woken up from that dream into yet another dream. I'll tell you now: I was a bit flustered. Every time I "woke up," I was in my bed; it took me a while to realize the feeling of everything around me was still different from reality. Sadly, I don't remember writing it down anywhere. But that was too good of an experience to not record it, so I must've done it in one of my journals. I'd love to share it with you.
But that was out of the ordinary, for me. It hasn't happened like that since then. My sequential dreams aren't always related, although....

  • ...there is almost always one in the series that is incredibly disturbing in retrospect.
  • ...many times, I bring back some minor detail/random character/place that I dreamt of in the past, be it a couple of nights ago or a couple of years ago.
  • ...the first dream tends to be short or nonsensical. I usually don't like to write them down, but sometimes I do, just for my own sake.
I dream in threes, and I like it. It lets me know that there is some kind of world in my head, some sort of order -- even if I'm the only one who can understand it fully.

It's like taking a handful of random objects from clutter and putting them in categories. It will take time to sort everything out, and in the beginning, for a while, it will seem like nothing is related to anything else. But in the end, all of these objects will have something in common:

they each define me, in a way that real life cannot.
I can't lie to myself in a dream, no matter how much I try. Analysis will tell me so.